After being married for two years, I found gay hookup apps on my husband’s phone. This was tremendously shocking and heartbreaking. I feel I was totally tricked (into marrying him) and betrayed. Anyways, this other guy-friend is also SSA and, in fact, hooked up with my husband. He is now engaged, and my husband asked him if he is planning to tell his wife, he said, “No way, never, don’t ever mention it again.”

I feel so bad for this girl, for what she is getting into, but on the other hand, I really do not want to ruin this guy’s life or butt in. However, one day she is going to find out and be verrry verrry angry, and her life will be ruined like mine is. Do you think I should say something?

Rabbi Twerski Responds

This requires a major posek. My reading of the Chafetz Chaim is that one is obligated to tell, because of “Lo saamod al dam rei’echa,” but it takes a major posek to make that p’sak.

Rabbi Dovid Morgenstern Responds

I agree with Dr. Twerski that she is obligated to tell the other girl; however, she should do so not out of hate but rather out of her concern and caring about the other girl. She just needs to say enough that the girl will know to ask more questions if she wants to.